(Riyadh)  Saudi King Abdullah has just announced a massive public works project involving fortification of all the kingdom's sewer drains.  Fortification plans include an upgrade of security within the drains while adding "the installation of luxurious housing for several thousand members of the king's family." Syrian President Bashar Assad has reportedly already booked a large suite upon completion of the project, with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez lobbying for the addition of a hospice wing. Members of the Saudi Royal Household would offer no further comment regarding the

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(freshrant.com) Attempting to stem the tide of growing citizen unrest amidst a growing number of regional uprisings, Saudi's King Abdullah has just announce sweeping judicial reforms. In a just released royal decree, translated from the Arabic loosely translated as "Cutting Back On Cutting Backs,"  the wide-ranging document focuses on beheadings, along with the chopping off of limbs, fingers, ears, and noses, with special attention giving to toes. The uncharacteristically candid reforms also touch on the do's and dont's of torture etiquette surrounding the sensitive subject of the

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(freshrant.com) Rebuffed in his attempts to buy Facebook from Mark Zuckerberg, King Abdullah's frantic tweets to purchase Twitter from founder Jack Dorsey have been just released by Wikileaks. "Dear Mr. Dorsey, As the head of the Royal House of Saud, I, King Abdullah Bin Abdul-Aziz, am in a bit of a pickle.  Some rioting in Egypt ha Mr. Dorsey, King Abdullah Bin Abdul-Aziz, here again.  I apologize for cutting my last message short, although as KIng, I don't normally mak Mr. Dorsey, Abdullah. I know that last cut

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