freshrant

Exquisitely Baked Satire

Obama “Rebirthed” As American Christian



Filed under : Oven Favorites, Oven Fresh

(Camp David)  In response to a growing chorus of “birthers” who believe Barack Obama was not born in the U.S., the president held a quiet naturalization ceremony over the Labor Day weekend at Camp David attended by family and a few close aides.

The brief ceremony was led by the president, a constitutional scholar and former law professor, asking himself, and then answering, a few questions about U.S. history and government.  The event concluded with the president presenting himself with a small U.S. flag, a booklet containing a copy of the U.S. constitution followed by the Commander-In-Chief respectfully listening to a pre-recorded video message of welcome to newly naturalized citizens delivered by himself.

Obama’s naturalization ceremony was immediately followed by his being baptized by his former pastor, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, in a creek on the Camp David property.   When later questioned why President Obama had asked his controversial former pastor to perform the baptism, an aide responded, “Obama thought it better to have a public that hates him for being a Christian, which he is, than a public that hates him for being a Muslim, which he isn’t.   Our thinking was that bringing in Reverend Wright would make a strong statement by jogging the public’s memory over which of Obama’s religious practices the public should be hating on.”

To be on the “safe side”, Michelle Obama, Obama’s  mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, and the Obamas’ two children, Malia and Sascha, also took an oath to become naturalized citizens and were also “re-baptized” as Christians “for good measure.”

The president concluded the ceremonies at a podium placed in center of the Camp David tennis courts to renounce to no one in particular socialism, communism, Nazism, Stalinism, czarism, atheism, Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, Islam and Islamofacism and all rights of citizenship to Kenya, Indonesia, the Kingdom of Hawai’i and the House of Kamehameha.   Obama then signed a paper verifying the act in the presence of a notary public.

Orly Taitz, one of the leaders of the birther movement, issued a statement later in the day claiming the notarized document Obama signed to be a forgery.  Taitz posted a copy of another document on her website that she claimed stated Obama’s allegiance to “communistic witchcraft”.  However, the document was later revealed to be a doctored copy of Ms. Taitz’s GED diploma.

Although other U.S. Presidents had fathers who were born on foreign soil, including James Buchanon, Andrew Johnson, and Chester A. Arthur, it is not clear why Obama has been so strongly attacked about the legitimacy of his citizenship.

Senator John McCain and Obama’s 2008 GOP presidential rival, who was born in the Panama Canal Zone, not the United States of America as stipulated by Article II of the U.S. Constitution, was reached for comment at his Sedona, Arizona ranch.  His grumpy one sentence response was only, “I’m busy building the dang fence.”

Perhaps some research delving into our nation’s history might unravel some nit as to why an issue of citizenship affecting the legitimacy of the presidency would have been so vehemently raised for one candidate and so ignored for another.

The president concluded the late afternoon ceremonies stating there was no truth to a rumor that Michelle had canceled Christmas, asking everyone to just call him Barry.

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24 Responses to “Obama “Rebirthed” As American Christian”

  1. Hmmm thanks for yet another funny and good post. Where do you get your inspiration for all this :|?

  2. Shawana Sox says:

    The Vatican cult of criminals should all report to jail ASP. What the Top RCC leadership did is beyond my understanding. These fools blatantly cover-up Children being molested by clergys.Its a Sad realization that the pope choose to allow more Children to be harm by priests.Just to protect the interest of the catholic church. If Joe blow did what the pope did,he would be eating cheese sandwich and drinking ice tea in a Jail cell block. The pope power of immunity should be null and void for protecting the Offender instead of the Children.

  3. PUA Mp3 says:

    Interesting point of view…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the great post!

  5. Ashley says:

    hey, nice blog…really like it and added to bookmarks. keep up with good work

  6. Guillermo Pickle says:

    It’s really interesting article and very nice point of view. I’m glad that I step in right here.

  7. Anonymous says:

    great blog thank you

  8. \ says:

    The Pope on his visit to Glasgow faces being sung to by Susan Boyle, without Divine Intervention, which he might be praying for :-)

  9. What a great post! I liked reading your article. It is great to find someone who can find the fun things in life!

  10. freshrant says:

    Cleaver…say what? Someone actually leaving a funny post?! Congratulations! You are a freshrant first! Come back again….please. And stay funny!

  11. Anonymous says:

    I couldn’t agree more…

  12. Ilias says:

    Greatings, їPuedo tomar obtener Foto de su blog?

    Ilias

  13. annuaire says:

    This write up is nice. I’ll post in my blog and translate it in French.

  14. Worer says:

    ЎGracias! Ahora me irй en este blog cada dнa!
    Have a nice day

    Worer

  15. Tyson F. Gautreaux says:

    good info !

  16. Quentin Geurin says:

    Great blog and I love what you have to say and I think I will tweet this out to my friends so they can check it out as well. I like what you have to say.

  17. Brianna Winchell says:

    Very nice post.

  18. Hong Raske says:

    Obama’s policies suck, and his administration is in over their heads. He’s spending us into a hole and he has no knowledge of economics.

  19. Jane says:

    4 Surely something must be terribly wrong with a man who seems to be far more concerned with Jews building houses in Israel than with Muslims building a nuclear bomb in Iran

  20. thomas.gonzales says:

    I always inspired by you, your views and attitude, again, appreciate for this nice post.

    – Thomas

  21. loks says:

    This is an excellent article. For god sake at least people could spare the President. That man deserves a lot more respect and kudos for his works, than brick bats all the time. “I’m busy building the dang fence.”-McCain …. lmao.

    On the same note as of Arizona. What a Shame! Ghastly killing of innocents. http://bit.ly/eqYXGo It terrifies being brown these days.

  22. freshrant says:

    I appreciate your comments and the links sent…Shocking indeed about the Arizona case. I have no doubt there is a correlation between the hate speech and policies of racial and religious separation of leaders like AZ Gov Jan Brewer and these kinds of actions. Regarding the Obama piece, when only 27% of Republicans believe he is a Christian (with the rest believing he is a Muslim or are not sure) and 41% of Republicans believing Obama may not be an American citizen, attitudes born of prejudice and ignorance imply for these woefully uninformed, a president who is illegally occupying his office. In an era when we have a greater flow of information than ever, we also have a greater flow of misinformation.

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