Exquisitely Baked Satire

Town of Sanford Sort of Kind of Thinking It Might Look For Trayvon Martin’s Murderer


(  Sanford, Florida Mayor, Jeff Triplette and City Manager, Norton Bonaparte, Jr., announced today that they were “Sorta, kinda, thinking we just might consider a plan to catch the murderer” of 17 year old, Trayvon Martin, who was shot to death in cold blood nearly a month ago in the gated community where he lived.

Mayor Jeff Triplette said he planned to take the weekend to “think about what might be done in the area of contemplating the possibility of calling up Trayvon Martin murderer, George Zimmerman, that is if we can find his phone number.”

“It’s really not that easy finding someone cell phone number,” Triplette stated, “after all, it’s not like a residential line that you would find in a regular phone book.  Our police might could be getting to look into trying to find Zimmerman’s number.”

“But,”  the mayor added, “in all fairness to the investigative division of the Sanford police force, they tell me there are quite a few ‘Zimmerman’s’ in Sanford and a heck of a lot of ‘George’s’.”

Sanford City Manager, Norton Bonaparte, Jr., said his main concern was “to avoid any rush to judgment.   We need to proceed with caution since we are not 100% sure if there might have been other people from the apartment complex who could have suffered undo stress from seeing a young black male armed with tea and candy.”

“We were told by the boy’s killer that these young thugs often use candy and high-fructose beverages to appear sweet, but in fact, they are really all about murdering, raping and robbery, as so many television crime shows have proven.”

Bonaparte believes bullets could have been sprayed from any number of apartments in the complex as frightened neighbors were only trying to stand their ground.

Nervousness and stress continued to grow as thousands of hoodie-wearing African Americans swooped into the town of Sanford to hold a rally further intimidating citizens by their mere existence.  One city councilman cautioned that certain JBB (Just Being Black) laws might have been broken by the tens of thousands.

On a lighter note, Florida citizens had former Florida Republican Governor, Jeb Bush, to thank for the nation’s first Stand Your Ground Law which passed in 2005 with National Rifle Association lobbyist, Marion Hammer, all chummy at his side.   Surely Bush, and former Florida Representative, Marco Rubio, who also signed the bill, will kind of, sort of, perhaps, be thinking about considering, by maybe 2016, the consequences of the law they so eagerly passed.




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