freshrant

Exquisitely Baked Satire

Televangelist Pat Robinson Condemns Sexually Ambiguous Hurricane



(freshrant.com)  While televangelist Pat Robinson offered his thanks to “an all-loving Jehovah” for clearing out “the Godless fornicators on the Jersey shore,” he told his 700 Club television audience he was still waiting for God to “tell him why He would have allowed Chris Christie and Barack Obama to work so cooperatively together” in the hurricane’s aftermath.

“I am asking God why he would have allowed one of his Acts help out Obama in the polls right before the election,”  Robinson said close to tears. “Each night I put on my “spirit singlet” to wrestle long and hard with the Holy Ghost until I lay spent and exhausted in a pool of our commingled sweat.”

“It’s not like the clear cut message of Jehovah’s wrath that brought our nation the blessing of Katrina to New Orleans “cleansing that Gomorrha of its transvestites, sapphites, sodomites and stalactites, dripping with obscene shapes.”

The normally smiling television evangelist expressed great concern for Sandy’s mixed message.  “When I heard that the Obama’s weather service had given this storm the sexually ambiguous name of Sandy, a 4-alarm spiritual fire went off down to the taint of my soul.”

Looking directly into the television camera, Robinson told his audience that, while he does not want to be disrespectful of the office of the president, “Obama may have made the storm lose some of the hurricane’s normal ‘wrath of God cleansing power’ through some kind of voodoo ritual that the dark-skinned potentate surely learned while growing up in Haiti.”

The Reverend Robinson never mentioned that Katrina devastated entire towns along the red state coast of Mississippi.   Nor did Robinson care to make a comment when asked why he never chose to use his clearly feminine given name of “Marion,” opting instead for the sexually ambiguous name, “Pat.”

Be Sociable, Share!

Leave a reply