freshrant

Exquisitely Baked Satire
George W Bush Global Paint-By-Numbers Initiative Announced
temp
(fresh from freshrant.com)  Not to be outdone by President Bill Clinton's Global Initiative addressing the world's most pressing challenges, George W. Bush has announced a bold plan to teach the world how to paint dogs. Arguably the world's most famous dog portraitist excitedly discussed his plans to implement a pilot program to teach elementary school children in the war-torn Republic of the Congo how to paint Scottish terriers. "You know, those youngsters might not never even seen a dog like Barney or Miss Beazley, but doggone it, now ...

read more »

GOP Hires Martha Stewart For “50 Shades of White” Diversity Program
temp
(Special to Freshrant)  Code Named "50 Shades of White," GOP Chairman, Reince Priebus has hired Martha Stewart to "expand the white to off-white color palette of the Republican Party" as part of the party's commitment to diversity. Here is a partial list of Stewart's "Diversity of Palor," which she also plans to market as part of her line of Martha Stewart's Living paints at K-Mart. John McCain Nasal Hair Gray Mitch McConnell Neckfold Pimple Linsey Graham Spring Spittle John Barrasso Beige Roy Blunt Denture Delight Mike Crapo Vodka Tonic Jeff Flake Flake Dan Coats of ...

read more »

Man Kills Himself Blames Obama’s Reelection
temp
  JASON REED/REUTERS Obama, pictured at his victory rally in Chicago, won reelection on Nov. 6.  (From The New York Daily News)  A Florida man who warned that he might harm himself if Barack Obama won the presidency was found dead two days after the election of an apparent self-inflicted drug overdose. Henry Hamilton, 64, was discovered dead in his home on Nov. 8 alongside two empty bottles of prescription drugs and a living will on which he'd written "Do not revive! F--- Obama!" His partner Michael Cossey told the ...

read more »