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Exquisitely Baked Satire
Lohan Arrives On Time Without Crashing Car
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(freshrant.com)  Lindsey Lohan shocked cast and crew on the set of Lifetime's "The Real Jayne Mansfield Story" showing up on time after passing through studio security free of drugs, alcohol or stolen furniture. Director Harry Schlonz expressed delight that Lohan showed up on time for hair and make-up.  "We are looking forward to our first productive day with Lindsey," said the elated director of Lohan's last star turn, "Porsche, Driving Fully Loaded." Correction:  Dina Lohan, Lindsey Lohan's mother, was mistaken for Lindsey Lohan in this story.  Dina Lohan...

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Rand Paul Found Bloodied In Senate Cloak Room After Clinton Hearing
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  (freshrant.com)  Senator Rand Paul (R) Kentucky, was found bloodied and unconscious in the Senate cloak room immediately following his grilling of Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.  Capitol police would only say Secretary Clinton was "a person of interest" as a cane she was using to help her walk after her recent concussion was found next to Senator Paul. Just minutes before his body was found beaten to a bloody pulp, Paul told Clinton, "Had I been president and found you did not read the cables from Benghazi...

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Fox News Reporters Reporting on War on Christmas Trampled By Christmas Shoppers
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  (freshrant.com) Several well-known Fox News reporters were trampled to death by shoppers who had been waiting long hours to enter legendary 5th Avenue toy store, FAO Schwartz. Tensions had been mounting before the stomping tragedy with Fox News talker Gretchen Carlson and Steve Doocy taunting customers whose patience had been wearing thin while waiting to enter the store. Carlson pointedly asked one shopper carrying a shopping bag bearing a “Happy Holidays” greeting, “Why do you hate Baby Jesus?” In another incident, Doocy, along with Fox News commentator, Oliver...

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